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Letters from prison: |
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The books you sent arrived yesterday and all I can say is thank you so very much. I am humbled by the
gift and am excited knowing how many wonderful lessons they each contain. I will treasure them and of
course share them with others who wish to read them. The picture of Buddha was allowed and it's just
wonderful. Thank you once again. I will read How to Meditate first so as to clarify some of my questions about meditation. Do you have any suggestions regarding in what order I should read the rest? I am a voracious reader and tend to devour books fairly quickly, so I must often check myself to absorb more now that I'm reading to learn not just to entertain myself. I will follow your advice, taking things slowly. You spoke about the moment to moment practice of dealing with the thousands of situations that occur every day. I had an experience recently concerning anger. I had been shairng a cell with a man for about a week when something occurred that caused him to become extremely angry. As I experienced his rage, I noticed a desire to react with physical violence. When meditation on kindness and logic did not work in those moments, my very basic knowledge of Buddhism made me think about what was happening rather than just reacting. Although he apologized for his behavior, another incident occurred that invoked his anger, and, subsequently, my own. I thought of the consequences if I had taken physical action towards him, and realized I would be a lot worse off if I did. Although I felt resentment for a while afterwards, I learned valuable lessons: I had seen rage directly and also how ugly anger is. That's how I must have looked at times when I'd lost my temper over stupid little things in my life. How very terrible my wife Sharon must have felt when I acted like that. Even though I never threatened her or was that intimidating, just the anger must have been very painful for her. I realized I must have compassion for this man, who has so much anger and rage. What a terrible way to live! I've been learning how to think, and how to act. Patience, patience, not easy but I feel so good about at least knowing that I can control my mind and not just react the way I have for so many years. Over the past few days I've been able to share Lama Yeshe's Be Your Own Therapist, along with the Dalai Lama's teachings on anger with a few men here. Thubten Kunsel, there are so many men here who are desperately in need of help, but are afraid to go for mental health care because once they do so they either must go on psych meditation and no longer be able to work. So much anger here. I hope I can at least share some of Buddha's words with them and help them. I will take your advice and go slowly with my studies and practice. There is so much to learn and feel. I'm very happy and excited about the challenge that is presented and I promise you I will do my best. Thubten Kunsel, I know I never was a truly bad person, but I do see that I not only caused myself to suffer due to delusion and certainly hurt those around me even if it was just with words. I'm going to change, I have no doubt. Again, thank you so much. I must borrow from Lynn McDaid and say that I put out my hand and you reached out and took it. Best wishes. I will study and in my simple and novice way practice Dharma daily in all that I do. I realize it won't be an easy task but all I can do is try. Here is some haiku I'd like to share with you.
Keys single doors slam Milo Rusimovic |
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