FAMILY LIFE
Parent and child both need a good heart

Dharma families at Kurukulla Center, Massachusetts: Anne Severson and Eddie Novek with Julian; David and Amy Kittlelstrom with Traeger; Geshe Tsulga with John Barlow; Miranda DeGugliamo; Kate and Debra Thornburg; Jen Barlow (in front) with Max; Christine DeGugliamo with Cory; Haim Kirschenberg with Halle Tara and Danielle; and Katherine Bowen (rear).

You might start by telling them that the happiness that we think comes from outside actually comes from within us, from within our own mind. And it is the same with our problems. Actually, nothing comes only from outside. Everything depends on how we think. Although some things may seem to come from outside our mind, those are only the conditions for problems to arise.

One way of thinking brings problems in life. With the other way of thinking, we don’t see problems. You might start by introducing them to the book Transforming Problems and then to His Holiness’s books on the good heart and his teachings on patience.

One’s parents of this life are very powerful objects in life. They gave birth to this body, and even a small disrespect shown to them generates negative karma so heavy that the results are already experienced in this life as well as continuing on into the next. Even a small service or respect shown to this life’s parents brings results so powerful that the experience of the results starts in this life and then goes on into future lives.

This takes place from karma created with powerful objects, starting with one’s parents. This is one of three types of karma. With the second type of karma, the results are experienced in the next life. With the third type of karma, the results are experienced after many lifetimes.

An even more powerful object than one’s parents are ordained Sangha, including arhats, who are liberated from the control of delusion and karma. Even more powerful than numberless arhats is one bodhisattva, because of having generated bodhichitta. If you look or glare at one bodhisattva with a disrespectful mind, this creates more negative karma than taking an eye from all the sentient beings of the three realms. If one looks at a bodhisattva with a respectful, devotional look, this creates much more merit than making charity of eyes to all the beings of the three realms. This is how powerful one bodhisattva is. And more powerful than numberless bodhisattvas is one buddha. Still more powerful than all the buddhas is one’s own virtuous friend. These are the powerful objects in one’s life, so a small disrespect toward them brings great negative results. The more powerful the object, the more negative those results.

Therefore, it’s very good that you want to try to help your brothers and sisters to be in harmony with your parents, so that they don’t create negative karma with their parents.

You can mention to your brothers and sisters that whatever harm they think their parents are doing to them, if they themselves had not done negative actions towards the parents in the past, there would be no reason for them to receive harm or any unpleasant experiences from the parents now. Thus, remembering karma helps one to practice patience and not to get angry and return the harm. Otherwise, if you get angry, it doesn’t help. It leaves an imprint in the mind, planting a seed that will cause anger to arise again continuously in the future. When you think someone is bad – that is, when you label them “bad” – if you retaliate, you create the cause for yourself to receive more harm from others in the future instead of making others harm you less.

Therefore, in order to help yourself and also to protect and give peace and happiness to others and to yourself, now and in the future, the wisest thing is not to get angry or harm them back. The best thing is to practice compassion toward them and toward others.