This interview is just one of the many that took place for “A New Generation of Buddhist Young Practitioners,” the cover feature of Mandala July-August 1998:

How did you meet Buddhism?

I grew up in a Theravada Buddhist community in Australia, so I knew about it pretty much my entire life. When I was 12 or 13, I began to practice and to do some vipassana meditation retreats. I developed some respect for it, I guess.

What did you like about it?

At that time it made complete sense to me, and because my boyfriend at the time was into it, I think it became more attractive.

Why would you choose to go and sit in meditation for ten days rather than what other kids were doing?

I guess it was because I enjoyed the experience. It was quite difficult, but each time I did a course there was definitely some peace that I felt in my mind. I began to actually enjoy it. Once I got past the hard part, the first four or five days, I would become excited about the whole thing. Once I realized I could do it I felt it was quite nice. At the end of ten-day courses I would always feel so happy I had done it. I would do at least one ten-day retreat every year for maybe three or four years.

Did your parents bring you up as a Buddhist?

Well, it was my mother who brought me up and I was free to choose. She didn’t mention the teachings outright, but she definitely talked about karma a lot. The other thing was that everyone around me was talking about Dharma all the time, so when I heard it secondhand like that I got used to it and would even expect it. She definitely didn’t enforce it, like any meditation or practice, which is good.

Why is it good?

Had she been, in any way, pushing it on me, it definitely would have taken longer to start to practice Dharma from my own side, because everything she stood for I was trying not to do!

What led to your beginning to practice Dharma from your own side?

The way I met Lama Zopa Rinpoche explains the way I began to really practice Dharma and have it in my heart. The first vipassana course I did I had a dream of Lama Yeshe and Lama Zopa. I knew about them, and it was a very clear, strong dream.

I left home when I was 15, and I was, to some degree, living on the streets and using quite a lot of drugs and being quite wild. My very good friend at that time told me Lama Zopa was teaching for 10 days in Sydney and he took me along. I remember the first day I was out of it, but I went every day. Like many other people, the first three or four days I didn’t understand at all what was going on, but for some reason – and I was surprised – I went through the whole course with Rinpoche. At the end of the time there was no question in my mind that Rinpoche was my teacher. It’s not like it was intellectual at all. I didn’t even talk about it, because I just knew there was a very strong connection.

Later I went and did a four-week Chenrezig retreat, and during that time it just got more and more clear that the only thing I wanted to do was work for Rinpoche and be involved in his organization, the FPMT.

I came back and pretty much completely stopped hanging out with my friends and began to volunteer at Vajrayana Institute in Sydney every day. Even though I had done vipassana courses and I was practicing, it wasn’t until meeting Rinpoche that I had complete faith in the teachings, particularly in Rinpoche.

Had you ever heard about guru devotion before?

No, I had never really heard about lam-rim until a couple of months after I met Rinpoche. The only thing I remember is that for one week I did a self-retreat, trying to purify what I knew had created some pretty heavy negative karma – I did this retreat without really knowing what I was doing. I did vipassana meditations and prostrations, and I also had a copy of Guru Puja.

For some reason I started to do the Guru Puja even though I had no idea why I was doing it, and I didn’t really understand it while I was doing it – I was just reading it through. I didn’t know about guru devotion, but when you meet the guru, it’s just there.

What in your mind was different before and after meeting the Dharma regarding things like social life and work?

I think when I realized that I just wanted to work in the FPMT for Rinpoche, it completely cut all my friends. A lot of the partying I did was at my job, so just by leaving the job it dealt with at least half of those issues.

Once you begin hanging around with Buddhists and working at Buddhist centers it’s definitely less of a party life. I wasn’t so much consciously making the decision, but just by putting myself in that situation and beginning to do practices and attend teachings, it suddenly meant that three or four nights a week I was doing that, and I made friends in the Dharma community.

I continued to go out dancing and that sort of thing, but I was never as destructive as I had been. Before I met Rinpoche I used to do things that were really stupid and I was really lucky to live through so many risky situations. After that I didn’t consciously put myself in those situations. If I did something after that it was very sensible (laughs)! (Yeah right!) When I was quite young I was self-destructive, so that sort of behavior completely ended.

What advantage do you have by practicing Dharma when you are young?

The advantage of becoming enlightened! Actually, I think it’s easier physically, and also your mind seems to be much more flexible. It’s not so foreign. Sometimes if I see older people it takes them a lot longer to get used to some ideas.

But really, I just feel so incredibly lucky because I see how much time is wasted by people at this age. You party a lot and live for the next parties, or you’re studying something in which you have to invest all your time, and it will end up being your job for the next 20 years – and nothing else.

I am glad that I’m not using my life in that way. To me it appears like some sort of trap, because you have 10 years mapped out before you can breathe and understand what you’ve been doing. It’s such an advantage to be able to practice, and it’s an unbelievable advantage to have met the guru – it’s unbelievable. And to be able to stop creating negative karma, to be aware of karma in general is unbelievable.

What about in terms of the mind and the ability to deal with afflictive emotions?

Well, I’m terrible at that! I think knowing, first of all, that things are impermanent and that you won’t always be feeling this pain is extremely useful. It also seems that, with some understanding of karma, I might be able to see when I am experiencing as purification the result of some negative karma, and even when I am in the middle of it and it is very hard to think of it in karmic terms, I am sort of overall aware that I am purifying and it’s going to be okay.

If you look back over your years as a practitioner, what has been one of the main driving forces in your practice?

I would have to say the main driving factor is Rinpoche, how he teaches. I wouldn’t have any understanding of the Dharma without having met him. Every understanding I have is from how he presents it, and that’s totally the truth, I really believe it. The practice really touched my heart after I met Rinpoche.

Everything Rinpoche has to say I find unbelievable. There is nothing he says that is not meaningful – every book, every tape. If I’m freaking out and I just turn on a tape of Rinpoche, it’s exactly what I need to hear, and it’s so to the point. I think basically everything Rinpoche has ever said or done is directly helpful. I can’t pick out one thing in particular.

Why is it so important to rely on a teacher – what’s the point?

I really believe the guru is the manifestation of the buddhas, so everything he does is a direct teaching to me, although I don’t realize it most of the time. Without the guru I think I would be completely lost in my own mind, in my ego games, and in my Dharma practice.

Also, the guru is so unbelievably skillful — he gives you everything you need to practice on a plate. You don’t have to try every single technique for five years, then start another angle — the guru can just tell you what is most beneficial for you. I don’t think I would have any idea of how to practice without the guru. Also I think the guru has been involved in my life since birth, trying to bring me to the Dharma as quickly as possible through different manifestations.

Why did you choose to become a nun?

I always had the intention to become ordained, I just didn’t know when. Now I am clearly seeing the benefits of being ordained. First of all, people relate to me differently, strangers and friends, and that immediately helps me to interact in a certain way. And also I relate to other people differently than I normally would.

I find it amazing that just by the power of shaving my head and putting on robes, what effect it has. Also, it sort of makes me stand out, so I am forced to not do things that are harmful to others and to myself. I am learning to restrain myself in ways I never did before – I am amazed that I am forced to act in a better way to people and I can’t be naughty!

On another level, I thought a lot about becoming a nun for some time and really formed the intention, because I feel it is the best thing I can do with my life. It creates a good opportunity to practice. The reason I did it now was advice and encouragement from Rinpoche. I could have waited, but for how long? Samsara can really suck you in, and if I hadn’t done it now I would probably be in some club or something like that!

I don’t know if more renunciation comes after getting ordained, but I just can’t relate to samsaric things in the same way. I was thinking about this during His Holiness’ New Year teachings in Dharamsala. I realized if I wasn’t a nun at that time I would have been a lot more distracted. There’s always some guy, or there are friends around. If I am a nun, sitting in front where I don’t really know the people around me, I can’t really think like that anymore. And now I can forget about worrying about how I look, and I don’t wonder if this guy is looking at me or if I am in his line of vision. I’m sure it must come up, but not like before, where I would have that with complete strangers. If that sort of thought comes I can’t even entertain it. I concentrated so much more on the teachings than I might have otherwise. I find that so cool. It’s such a relief.