September-December 1998

Sharon Gross, Director of FPMT International Office, member of the FPMT international board of directors and publisher of Mandala

Seventy people from around the world were at Kopan Monastery in Kathmandu, Nepal for the annual meetings of FPMT directors and spiritual program coordinators, May 21-June 3. The first of these meetings – called the CPMT (Council for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition) by Lama Yeshe – was also at Kopan, in 1975.  The 70 people at this year’s gathering represented many of the 100-plus centers and activities of the FPMT. The FPMT international board of directors met May 30-June 3. The meetings – a milestone for many – were “enjoyable, very alive,” said Lama Zopa Rinpoche. “Everyone happily participated, doing service for sentient beings.”

The thought of returning to my Kopan home after 25 years was vividly in my mind as I stepped onto the plane and waved goodbye to the family on May 18. My 6-year-old was not too happy that her mom was going to be gone 18 days, but the 18 presents left in the bag for extraction one day at a time and the love of her sweet daddy allowed her to say goodbye and have a good trip. Knowing my husband was capable, loving and in charge, I stepped back to the future as I winged across the water on the long, long flight to Thailand and on to Nepal, to attend the CPMT meetings in my new role as FPMT International Office director and member of the FPMT board.

Entering the transit area of Bangkok airport I found other Dharma brothers and sisters preparing to board a flight to the CPMT meetings, to begin the next day. As we gathered and chatted, many of us seeing each other for the first time in years, I was more and more thrilled at the opportunity that was unfolding.

It was in November 1973 at the Fifth Kopan Course – having graduated begrudgingly with a degree in psychology from Syracuse University, having read all about rats running and various expert ideas of how that explained human motivation and emotion – that I came to find my spiritual home and my life’s connection to my heart.

Sitting in an odd, large tent, early, so early in the morning, a radiant being, seemingly tuned in to another realm, proclaimed, “The mind is beginningless.” Thus the Fifth Course started and from then on I was intrigued. It all made so much more sense than the four years of college. Four weeks later I emerged from my first course and wondered what on earth I was going to do with my life.

Now 25 years hence I approach the place where I first met the Dharma and my heart is so grateful to my ever so kind teachers, the most kind and precious Lama Thubten Yeshe and the continually kind Venerable Lama Thubten Zopa Rinpoche, without whose kindness I would not be going back on this exquisite journey.

The plane from Bangkok is filled with a variety of spiritual practitioners, of several traditions, and I am seated next to a man who is also a student of a lama. We share stories and I hear that on our very plane is our precious Lama Zopa Rinpoche. The auspiciousness begins, or is it continuing?

Out the window are first the plains of India, motherland of the Buddha and then the gorgeous Himalayan mountains, beautiful and clear, a rare sight for this time of year I am told. As the plane descends into the Kathmandu Valley, I try to discern landmarks, but mostly am amazed that I have created the karma to again return to Kopan to be with my guru, to help him in his wishes for our organization and to create more merit and rejoice in all that is created. I am thrilled, and thus have the perfect basis for negating the “I” that does not exist from its own side, which is appearing as I gaze out the window upon landing right across from the Boudha Stupa – what an airport scene!

An hour later, visa in hand, I am out with a large group of us, navigating the taxis to Kopan Hill where I plan to stay for the duration of the CPMT and FPMT board meetings. As we bounce along the rough road in our small taxi, I am amazed to see the changes that have come to Nepal: the satellite dishes on top of the brick houses, the pollution, the traffic. Yet the spiritual atmosphere that continues to pervade the valley is almost tangible. It is no wonder that so many people like the expatriate life here.

As we pass the area around Boudha, now so built up I can’t even see the stupa up close, and approach the hill of Kopan, I look around at the many gompas that have been built and look ahead up the road to see how much Kopan has grown. What a beautiful sight the Kopan Hill is, visible to all in the valley!

A sense of the connection to what was and what is naturally arises, and when the taxi enters the monastery I feel wonderfully at home. Of course Rinpoche is arriving too, having been on the same plane, so the ground is adorned with auspicious signs, and all is beautiful. Two hundred and seventy monks await his arrival, looking happy. Rinpoche left the airport well ahead of us and yet has not arrived. I learn that he has stopped to visit his nuns at Khachoe Ghakyil Nunnery, another beautiful building full of nuns preparing for a life of retreat, just along the road before Kopan. The heat is unfamiliar and the air is thick with humidity. The monks have Cokes in the shop and water in bottles for sale. How much things have changed from the days when we had to walk down the hill to shower with our clothes on in the spring!

We gather together for an evening introduction in front of the new gompa, so huge, so beautiful. I visit with Ven. Geshe Lama Lhundup and others whom I have not seen in years, some of whom I have never met but whose endless dedication to fulfilling the lamas’ wishes I have always appreciated.

After, the dogs barking at night, the fireflies, the amazing sounds of all the birds, even a cuckoo. I settle into my room and sit on my bed marveling, amazed that I am here once again. This time I have an appreciation for what it takes to have this, to be here, to be even a bug in the mandala of the guru. Happy to have a job serving Rinpoche.

Our first day is a pilgrimage day, to Namo Buddha. An adventure in bus riding, three hours of scenic wonders, dust and bumps and lots of time to talk on the buses, to hear what others are doing at their centers. A great trip. Rinpoche is spectacular, we do a puja, the sun is hot, then it rains. We are at the spot where the Buddha in a previous life gave nourishment to a starving mother tiger by offering his own body, and his life. And so many holy beings have been right here since.

The monks have brought an incredible lunch up the high hill and we are so lucky. We prostrate, we rejoice, we are so fortunate to have such a kind lama. Prayer flags flap and wave. We circumambulate and go to various spots. The day is long, we walk down the hill and circumambulate yet again. Rinpoche tells us more about the special place and we marvel and rejoice some more and make prayers for all to be enlightened quickly. Sharing our experiences with others as we ride back over the bumps, our day closes with one of many delicious meals back at home, in Kopan.

Next day, the meetings begin, the dedication of the students is clear: coming to morning prayers, motivating for a good series of meetings, diligently listening to what is to come, all happy to share, to meet, to be with Rinpoche and to be at Kopan. I learn that some have never been here before; others, like me, are returning for the first time since their course, but most have come and gone and are familiar with the environment.

As Alison Murdoch leads the way for discussion on the questionnaire regarding the future of the organization, all participate and tell what they do and don’t like about the FPMT. No one feels restricted, all are as honest as can be. Small groups are organized to increase communication. People come to know other cultures, other needs and work together to develop a functional way forward for all. Knowing the value of being family, the importance of developing individually in practice so that organizationally we can grow. It becomes more and more clear how much heart is here, how dedicated are these people. I cry quietly more than once as the days pass, and just rejoice at how fortunate we are.

More pilgrimage days come, and once again we are blessed with Rinpoche’s guidance in how to appreciate the sites  – of Swayambunath where we receive a transmission of the prayer to Manjushri; of Parphing, where we do puja at the Pamtingpa brothers’ Vajrayogini house; of Guru Padmasambhava’s cave. Can I really be here? This is fantastic. Words cannot express how amazing this is to be in the holy places where beings attained enlightenment through the practices we have been shown.

More meetings, more understanding. Valentino Giacomin shares his project – at last I meet and see firsthand what he is doing, how marvelous. Ven. Connie Miller brings education to life and shows the progress from the London education meetings nearly two years ago. One more day of pilgrimage to Boudhanath where we purchase, pray, bless and circumambulate with parrots later set free at Godavari. Coming more and more to see how kind our precious teacher is, in every instant.

The juxtaposition of the meetings with the pilgrimages helped us to focus on what we are meant to be doing: making an organization, trying to move to the next step, so that for all time the lamas’ wishes can be encapsulated and the ground prepared for future generations to meet the Dharma. All kind mother sentient beings, our children and us, again and again, if we are so fortunate. We are all doing something so important. I feel small in comparison to those who have been doing this for so long, yet each of us is key. It is another foolish thought of being small or grand.

We are just related, life after life, as Dharma brothers and sisters. The feeling of family grows daily and an appreciation of what patience might mean, life after life, working endlessly, without even taking one second for anything other than benefiting others. We are amazingly fortunate to have such a kind and precious teacher, such a pure example of a Buddha. And each of us, reading this, connected in any way to this organization, can make a huge difference. It is how we each act, how we each do in daily life, right now, that shows how we respect the teachings, how we are growing, how we mean well, but still have a long way to go.

On from the CPMT to the five days of meetings of the international board of directors that followed. Set in the rooms above the new gompa that have been constructed as Rinpoche’s new apartment, looking out over the valley. Each day we would walk up past the construction of the mandala going on, look down on the monks chanting in the gompa through the windows and gaze over at the immense Je Tsongkhapa who gazes out in the gompa.

I was the newest board member, but felt included all along. Sitting at a long table at which Rinpoche and Geshe Lama Lhundrup were present in order to meet and discuss heart issues of the organization with a group who had been doing this since its inception in 1982 or so, and for many years before that more informally. I was moved by the collective memory of the group, by the appreciation for the sensitivity of issues discussed.

That Rinpoche was there was marvelous. Just across the way, at his chambers, many people were waiting to discuss their personal questions, their center questions, their project designs, their willingness to donate and on and on. But here he was, sitting as a board member to hear the items discussed and to give his comments on the situations; showing the aspect of how important the organization is to him.

I was also very appreciative that Kopan’s abbot Geshe Lama Lhundrup came to every session. He was involved, interested and made some great suggestions. I would say that my first board meeting was a continuation of the CPMT experience. They say that the Kopan atmosphere contributed greatly to the tone of the meetings. I would not know, not having been to an FPMT board meeting before, but it certainly felt like it.

The dedication of that group of people to struggle through some major issues, which are difficult and time consuming, was very impressive to me. What seems like a simple issue at the outset can grow to nearly immeasurable proportion. Yet a decision needs to be made, life needs to move on, change comes. The willingness to tackle the tasks is there. This group wants to serve.

To all of you, CPMT, FPMT, students and readers, I rejoice in all your merit a thousand times over. Thank you all so much for your dedication to Rinpoche, to Lama Yeshe and to the organization that they named and created and that we continue to create. May we carry forward their wishes to our respective cultures. May we share their love with all we meet. May we fulfill the wishes and do what is to be done, with gratitude and a happy mind, so that all may benefit.