November-December 1999

As president of the Tibetan Women’s Association, Rinchen Khadro was the inspiration and energy behind many of the social welfare projects to help the Tibetan refugee community in India. She organized the setting up of day-care centers, the printing of storybooks for children in Tibetan, the promoting of sanitation and environmental clean-up, and the caring for the elderly and the sick. Rinchen-la has served as Minister of Health and Home in the Tibetan Government-in-Exile since 1985 and has been Minister of Education. She is now co-director of the Tibetan Nuns’ Project in Dharamsala. Rinchen Khadro is married to one of His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s brothers, Nyari Rinpoche.

American nun Ven. Thubten Chodron talked to Rinchen Khadro (in October 1992) about her views about social work activities.

What is the Buddhist attitude towards social service?

Buddhism gives it an important place. In Dharma practice, we train ourselves to forget our own needs and pay attention to others’ needs. So when we engage in social service, we are treading the path the Buddha showed. Although I am a lay Buddhist, I believe that the best thing in life is to be ordained. When we analyze why, we can see that being a monastic enables one to be more available for human service: one gives up simply serving one’s own family to serve the human family. Most lay people are wrapped up in the needs of their own family. Nevertheless, we can recognize that our own needs and others’ needs are the same and thus want to work for others’ welfare. Because they have professional skills, lay people often have more knowledge of how to help. The problem is that not many people choose to do that.

But we don’t see many monastics in the Tibetan community engaged in social service work.

That’s true. When we lived in Tibet, before becoming refugees in 1959, we didn’t have social service organizations or institutions. We had the concept of working for others’ welfare, and that can be acted upon in a variety of ways. For example, in Tibet, if a beggar came to the village, almost everyone gave something. It was similar if someone was sick: all the neighbors helped. This is because we are Buddhists. In those days, people didn’t think to organize a social welfare project for a group of strangers outside their village. The concept of giving has always been there however. That is what is needed first. Then, if one acts according to it, others will follow.

For a Tibetan in pre-1959 Tibet, the first good work was to look after the Sangha, to offer to the monasteries. I see a change now that Tibetans are in India and in the West. People are beginning to think about donating money to educate poor children and to build hospitals. The concept of giving was already there in our culture, and now people are seeing more and more new directions to give, due to the example of Western people.

Although Tibet was materially backward, it was self-sufficient in its own way. The family unit was strong; people in the same family or village helped one another. People were basically happy and self-sufficient. One would rarely see someone who was homeless or someone who was sick and not cared for. Families and villages managed to help their own people, so the thought to have social welfare projects on a large scale didn’t arise.

After 1959, when we went into exile, there was a drastic change. People had nothing, everyone was in need, so people were involved in getting what they needed for their own family unit and couldn’t help others as much. Now, where Tibetans are doing well, they’re again making offerings to monasteries and to schools. Tibetans have the habit of helping those from their own family or village first. But looking at it another way, that’s good. One begins with what’s near to you and then enlarges it. If we don’t help those near to us, it’s difficult to spread our generosity to a larger group later. But we Tibetans do need to expand and think more universally. There is fertile ground for this to happen: His Holiness the Dalai Lama guides us in this way and if we discuss it more, then our social service will expand. But if no one acts now, then nothing will grow in the future.

What has given you the impetus to become engage in social service?

It’s not something I thought of myself. His Holiness teaches this. Sometimes we’re like babies and he spoon-feeds us. His teachings and the example of how he lives made me think I have to do something for others. My husband, Nyari Rinpoche, is very practical and from him I’ve learned the importance of acting instead of talking too much.

The inspiration from His Holiness grew over time; there was no particular incident that occurred. Actually, the seed was sown in me when I was small. It grew and I began to see things in a different light.  My very upbringing in a Tibetan family sowed the seeds to be kind to others. In addition, His Holiness is a living example of one who is kind. I’m not doing anything great, but both of these factors – my family upbringing and His Holiness’ example – have made it possible for me to do what I’m doing now.

Tell us how your upbringing influenced you.

My mother played a great role. She wasn’t well-educated or sophisticated. She was practical and down-to-earth, with a kind heart. Sometimes she had a sharp tongue, but no one minded that much because we knew that underneath, she had a kind heart. In the storeroom of our home in Kham, Eastern Tibet, my mother kept a portion of tsampa [ground barley flour, the staple food of Tibet] aside for the beggars. If for some reason there was no more tsampa for the beggars, she was upset. She made sure there was always some there to give. Each beggar who came, no matter who it was, got some. If someone covered with sores came to our home, she would leave her work aside, clean the person’s wounds and apply Tibetan medicine.

If travelers came to our village and were too sick to travel further, she would let them stay in our home until they were well enough to go. Once an elderly lady and her daughter stayed over a month. If a neighbor’s child was ill, she would go to help, no matter what time of day or night. My mother was very generous, giving food and clothes to those in need.

If I’m doing anything worthwhile today, it’s due to my mother’s example. One of my aunts was a nun and she came from the monastery to stay in our house part of each year. She was kind and very religious. I think my current dedication to the nuns’ project originated with her. Her monastery was so beautiful and quiet. It was the place I liked best to run to as a child. I’d spend days in her room. She made lovely toffee and curd – nothing tasted the same! Perhaps this is why I love nuns so much! Although I never thought of becoming a nun myself, I have always respected and liked the nuns.

What has His Holiness said that has particularly inspired you?

He continuously reminds us that all beings are just the same. Just as we like to be treated kindly, so do others. Stop for a moment and imagine someone being kind to you. Feel that. If you could give that happiness to others, wouldn’t it be wonderful? So I’m trying hard. First we have to get in touch with our own wish to be happy, and then recognize that others are the same. In this way, we’ll want to give and to help others. We must first be convinced of something before we can act sincerely. When we experience happiness ourselves and then see that others are the same, in inspires us to give.

How do you balance social service with Dharma practice?

I don’t really do any formal Dharma practice. My intellectual understanding of Dharma is limited. I admit that. But have strong conviction in Buddhism. I have simplified the Dharma to suit my own ignorance in the following way: I have great faith in the protecting power of the Triple Gem, but unless I’m worthy of protection, they can’t help me. So I must try my best to deserve a little of their help and then request it.

My husband and I discuss this. He says that there’s no protection out there, that we must protect ourselves through observing cause and effect, the law of karma. I agree with that in the sense that strong faith in the Buddha isn’t enough. We have to make ourselves deserving of help by abandoning destructive actions and doing constructive ones. Also, our prayers must be sincere and selfless. His Holiness and the Buddha understand everyone, but unless we pray for a good cause, I feel we have no right to bother them. That’s my religious practice: observing cause and effect and praying to His Holiness and to Tara.

How do you really differentiate social service from Dharma practice in general?

I find there’s no difference between Dharma practice and social service. If we help others with good motivation, then they’re the same. And that way I don’t need to memorize a lot of prayers and scriptures.

What qualities is it necessary to cultivate to be able to help others in a sustained way? How can we become courageous and strong?

We have to reduce ego involvement, but that’s a bit tricky. At our level, ego is like a truck: without it, how will you carry things? We aren’t yet able to separate out ego. Thinking about the harmful aspects of self-centeredness helps reduce it, but we shouldn’t expect ourselves to be perfect. Unless we accept that we have ego – that we have ignorance, attachment and anger – then we’ll be in continuous conflict with ourselves. If we say, “Ego is totally undesirable. I shouldn’t act if any little bit of ego is involved,” then we can’t act at all and nothing happens. So we have to accept our imperfections and act nonetheless.

Of course, when ego takes us on a trip, deep in our hearts we know it and we have to let go of our self-centered concerns. The less ego is involved, the better we feel. Ego can creep into our motivation; they can be difficult to separate. So on one hand we have to believe our motivation is as pure as it can be and act, and on the other, simultaneously check to see if ego is involved and then reduce or eliminate that. We shouldn’t go to the extremes of thinking that our motivation is completely pure and acting like a bulldozer, or thinking that our motivation is totally ego and not acting at all. We can often tell how pure our motivation was from the results of our actions. When we do something half-heartedly, the outcome is the same. The purer our motivation, the better the outcome of our work.

To continue to help others we have to avoid discouragement. Sometimes we get discouraged because our expectations are too big. We get too excited when something goes well and too disappointed when they don’t. We have to remember that we are in cyclic existence and that problems are to be expected. In that way, we can remain more balanced no matter what is happening in our lives.

Also, it’s important not to be overly ambitious, thinking that we should be the best and do the most. If we do what we are able to do and accept our limitations, we will be more satisfied and will avoid falling into self-deprecation, which is both unrealistic and an obstacle to developing our potential. So as much as possible, we should try to have a good motivation and focus on what is good.

Tags: socially engaged buddhism, ven. thubten chodron, women