Miffi Maximillion of Langri Tangpa Centre in Brisbane, Australia – “I’ve had one foot in the nether world of boarding houses and the street for years” – makes some down-to-earth recommendations for dealing with mentally unstable people who come to Dharma centers.

When I was 10 I was the unofficial bouncer for my psychologist mother when she treated patients at home. In my twenties I became a door-lady/bouncer at a night-club. Now that I live in a Buddhist center I have to be able to deal with everybody! I’ve had one foot in the nether world of boarding houses and the street for years. When people treated me straight-forwardly and provided a stable and simple structure, it really helped my extreme and uncontrolled mind.

I get on best with undesirables and feel honored to be part of their world (now that I have a bolt-hole). I wouldn’t dare be so politically incorrect or rude by calling people “crazy” if I didn’t include myself as one of them.

Simplistic as it may sound, when dealing with “crazy” people at Dharma centers, I’ve found the following approaches help.

Have one person who is responsible (someone to blame!). Most people want to look the other way when a crazy comes to the center – they get embarrassed and hope someone else will fix it. Choose someone to take responsibility. Even if it is a different person each day, be clear about this. There has to be someone you can pass the person on to, and they take full responsibility.

Bravery. You can bet that whatever makes you uncomfortable, the other person knows! Be prepared. Enter wholeheartedly and bravely into the situation. Be willing to be embarrassed, challenged and shown up in front of everyone.

One time an incredibly muscled man came to teachings. No one knew him. He smelt of cheap aftershave. He had small piercing blue eyes and a facial twitch. Well, did anyone want to sit next to him? I was worried he would go berserk, so I sat down next to him. He barely fitted the chair! All through teachings he was twitching and making sudden movements. I thought, “Oh dear, looks like I have to be the protector.” Everyone else was avoiding him. Now he has a soft spot for me and he’s genuinely friendly.

Time strictness. It’s difficult dealing with crazies. I say to myself, “For just 10 minutes I will give them my undivided attention, believing in them freely and fully.” They sense this and actually get some satisfaction from the attention. Then say, “Now I really have to go,” and walk off in the middle of their sentence if need be. In a way this is a relief for them. Some people don’t know how to end a conversation, so you have to do it for them.

Give them something to do. Crazies often talk too much, and the conversation can go around in circles. Demand as much of them as they demand of you. Talk to them, but only if they do the washing up with you, or sweep the leaves, or fill the offering bowls. Then, they may eventually become someone whom you rely on!

Language. I enter completely into the crazy person’s world, into their metaphorical reality. I use symbolic language. It may sound silly and make you embarrassed, but the need to be normal is something we have to get over. Use poetic, over-the-top language. Assume people are crazy because it makes the most sense to them. It expresses their world honestly. My job is to enter into that picture, travel with them and sneak in a few exit doors.

For example, we have a man who smells really bad. I told him, “I don’t care how you smell normally. That’s your right. But if you want to come in the meditation room, you must wash. This is for the Buddhas and for the other students.” Then I got all motherly. I offered him the use of our shower (broker no excuses). He talked softly and very fast so none of it made sense. So I tried to echo what he said. “Can’t have a shower because the nagas will get you?” I gave him some prayer flags and told him to hang them in the bathroom, and tell the nagas that Buddha says they can’t harm him while he is preparing for meditation. Just make it up. It doesn’t matter how unorthodox. In fact, get more extreme than them. As contrary as crazy people often are, they’ll say, “That doesn’t make sense, you’re crazy!” and leave you looking like an idiot!

There is always one. Every meditation group (or block of flats for that matter) has a resident crazy. Some are worse than others. When you get a good one (as opposed to the one who regularly wields a chainsaw) then nurture them. They are probably quite good in the scale of things. Also, there is only so much room in the room for a crazy. Usually they come one at a time.

They galvanize the whole group and make everybody else truly appreciate each other. Or they come when you or the center is particularly weak (I often get a visit when I have PMT!). If you get a whole spate of crazies, however, then some specific issue probably needs to be dealt with. (Then the mamos are coming to get you and you better do puja!)

Don’t be compulsively nice. People can get too dependent, especially depressed people, and then maybe suicide or something. Don’t compulsively try to be perfect for them. They think you are so great and wham! they have taken refuge in you. We are often compulsively nice even though they give us the shits! Be “nasty” by being honest. Don’t be blackmailed by, “What sort of Buddhist is she?” Stick to your guns.

Humor. Be obstinately, stubbornly humorous! This cuts through almost anything. It can make a potentially dangerous situation just melt away. Don’t be afraid to tease. Actually, if you succeed in embarrassing a crazy they really respect you. Threaten them with calling the loony bin if they are naughty! (But never do it though. Call the Salvos instead.)

Loyalty. Of course, you have to primarily think of the center. But when the crazy comes around, switch completely over. Become you-and-them against the rest of the world. Be completely on their side (remember you can do anything because it is only for 10 minutes). Even if they get a crush on you, be their lover for just that time, and then get back to business.